Miscarriage, Weight Loss, & Angel Food Cake

When I started this post, I really debated on how personal I should get. I certainly didn't want to cross the TMI line (and don't worry I don't think I do), but when I started writing, it all just flowed and made sense so I went with it. I've learned to trust things like that.

Basically I'm telling you this as a warning that I take a real round-about way to getting to my point here and I have no problem if you'd like to skip to the recipe portion of the post - it is totally awesome :).

Last year, I

had some medical issues that caused me to gain about 10 pounds

got pregnant.

The boy and I were thrilled. We started preparing our lives for the addition of another. We re-did the bathroom, stockpiled books, started clearing out our collection of live electrical wires and candy-shaped rat poison, ya know, the usual nesting behaviors.

I felt good for the most part, except that I couldn't eat vegetables or fruit (and especially not sugar, but that doesn't really add anything to my point). The only things I could eat fell into the "bread and cheese" category - macaroni and cheese, bagels and cream cheese, cheese sandwiches, you get the idea. This a) did not do any favors for my lactose-intolerant husband; and b) caused me to gain 10 pounds within the first 3 months. Oops.

Actually, make that, 10 additional pounds, 10 pounds on top of the 30 I was already trying to lose when I got pregnant. I tried to not let it bother me. Most of the people I talked to said they had similar weight-gain experiences.

Then, at 14 weeks, we learned that we lost the baby. It never developed past 11 weeks. 

Needless to say we were devastated. To make matters worse we had just announced to friends and family that we were expecting, and now had to tell everyone that it wasn't going to happen. 

That was probably the worst part - I just felt so stupid for jumping the shark and announcing before knowing that everything was ok. Then again, I guess you never really know if everything is ok, and things can happen at any point in pregnancy. But they specifically tell you to wait until after the first trimester to "be in the clear" and here we were, into the second trimester, thinking everything was fine. It never occurred to us hold off announcing until after our 12-week doctor appointment. We just thought that 12 weeks was magic number, after which everything was good to go.

I'm self-conscious that I say the worst part was telling people. I feel most people would probably say that losing the baby was the worst part. And well, obviously, it was, but I just feel I had no control over that. It's hard for me to be regretful over something I couldn't change. I mean I was the dumbass who went and told everyone without waiting for more information. Blame it on excitement.

Once we processed the initial grief, I started to feel like we were getting a second chance. I mean we got pregnant right away. I was thinking it could take a year or so, but that wasn't the case, and I'll admit, I was caught a bit off guard. Delightfully off guard, but still. 

Now we had a few more (well, hopefully only a few more) months to save money, work on the house, take vacations, drink wine, be alone as husband and wife, and get in shape and lose weight before getting pregnant again.

It didn't help that this all coincided with the onset of the holiday season - emotional eating and pumpkin pie are a dangerous combination. 

(+5 pounds).

End 2011. 

So there we were, wanting to try again soon, my body refusing to give up the weight it had gained, and not really knowing were to start. I mean, I've always known what I was supposed to do - more veggies, no diet soda, many small meals throughout the day, only one box of Girl Scout cookies in a sitting, but when you get home at 8:00 s-t-a-r-v-i-n-g, it's just easier to stand in the pantry and alternating between handfuls of salty (i.e., baked cheetos) and sweet (i.e. chocolate chips) until your husband comes home and the two of you stand in front of the freezer until you settle on peanut butter sandwiches. Again.

First thing on my list: take control of my eating. While the main point of all the meal planning and revamping our recipe collection was to figure out how to cook dairy-free, there was also the goal of cooking healthier. I have 40 pounds that I'd like to lose before baby. Not sure if that's going to happen (i.e., I'm not going to stop it from happening until I lose 40 pounds), but I'm willing to give it a valiant effort.

I've since signed up with a personal trainer (who kicked my ass so hard on Thursday, that I still couldn't climb stairs on Sunday). And, once my body released its death-grip on the extra pounds it refused to let go of for the first two months, I'm down a few pounds. It's not much, but it's a start and the only thing I can do is keep working at it and keep making healthy recipes.

(if you skipped ahead, start reading here)

I've realized that "all-or-nothing" diets (and I mean diet as in, the food that someone eats - not as in a fad diet, as in, "a panda lives on a diet of bamboo") don't work for me. As soon as you tell me I can't have something, nothing else will do. So I wanted to work in options for not-so-bad-for-you, dairy-free desserts as well. 

Enter (again) Pinterest! I saw this recipe for angle food cake made only with cake mix and pie filling and it looked really interesting. However, while this doesn't have all the oil, etc. that normally gets added to cake mix, it still called for a can of pie filling, and I didn't even want to know how much sugar and artificial who-knows-what was in that can.

So I tried a more natural version. Using a pint of fresh blueberries and some frozen raspberries, I made up a quick cake with fist-sized pieces that have only about 150 calories a piece. I didn't even need to add sugar, the cake mix had plenty to counteract any tartness the berries may have had.

This was so delicious. It tasted so...is "fresh" the right word. I mean, it just didn't have that processed taste. It was really good - sweet, full of blueberry flavor, guilt-free. I will definitely be adding this to the weight-loss-while-eating-desserts menu. And who knows, maybe this will be a favorite of my someday-kids. :)

Ingredients

one box of angle food cake mix

one pint blueberries

one handful (about 1 cup) frozen raspberries

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350
2. Add blueberries and raspberries to a medium sauce pan and cook over med-low heat. If need be, add a little water so the berries don't burn, but I just let them cook down for 15-20 minutes.
3. Let the mixture cool (to avoid burns specifically) and mix with cake mix in large bowl.
4. Pour batter into 9x13 pan sprayed with nonstick cooking spray.
5. Bake at 350 for 25-30 minutes (or until a toothpick comes out clean from the center).
6. Let cool, sprinkle with powder sugar if you'd like, slice, and serve.

Enjoy responsibly!

Biscoff Blondies

My day job has me traveling quite a bit. I'm pretty much gone one week per month from April to November. Which is a lot, but they've sent me to some awesome places. I've been 2 hrs from the nearest paved road in Wyoming; I've been 4 hours from the nearest radio station in Nebraska; and I've spent a night in Chicken, Alaska. 

Yes, there really is a place called Chicken. 

And I've spent the night there.

Beautiful downtown Chicken. 

Actually, that's the entire town.

With all this traveling, I've become a bit of an expert flier. And I can tell you that hands down, Delta has the best in-flight snack.

That's why I always try to fly Delta. Not because I have so many frequent flier miles that I get free upgrades and free baggage. Not because they're often the best price from BWI. Not because they offer the most flight options to places west of the Mississippi. I pay $400 a ticket so that I can get a free $0.03 cookie.

Ever have one of these?

They are delicious! A wonderful cinnamon-y inflight treat that makes me overlook that they're showing Zookeeper and my iPhone is about to die.

Then, through the wonders of pinterest, I learned that they make Biscoff spread! And THEN I learned that they sell it in my regular grocery store! I did a little happy dance that day. It's like a cookie in a jar! I bought two jars and ate one for dinner.

I was able to not eat the second jar long enough to make something with it: Biscoff Blondies.

Talk about fantastic! I brought these to poker night last night and they were gone in a flash. Everyone loved them!

They retain a gooey, undercooked center even though they're fully cooked. The white chocolate balances perfectly with the cinnamon flavor and, all in all, they're not terribly unhealthy. Don't get me wrong, these aren't diet food, but with only 1/2 stick of butter, they have 150 calories and 8 grams of fat. Not too bad for such a decadent dessert.

Ingredients (adapted from Picky Palate)

1/4 cup (1/2 stick) margarine
1 1/2 cup white chocolate chips (divided into two 3/4 cup portions)
1 cup all purpose flour
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 eggs
1/2 cup Biscoff spread

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Cover an 8x8 baking pan with foil and spray with non-stick spray. 
2. Melt margarine in microwave-safe bowl for 30-40 seconds. When done, add 3/4 cup white chocolate chips and let sit for a minute to melt chips. Stir chips and margarine until smooth. 
3. In a large mixing bowl, combine flour, sugar, cinnamon, baking powder, and salt.
4. Add eggs, biscoff spread, and butter and white chocolate chip mixture. Mix throughly. Add 3/4 cup of white chocolate chips and mix to combine. 
5. Transfer to a baking dish and bake for 30-35 minutes until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean. Let cool completely and and cut into squares. Mine were about 1.5 inches square and it made 25 servings.

Toffee Blondies

I don't know much about about my husband's job. I know he's an accountant and that whenever I ask him what he does, he says it's too boring to explain. I know that he's good with numbers and that I don't have to do things like split checks or figure out whether my birthday will be on a Saturday (yea!) or a Tuesday (boo!) this year. I also know that during tax season (January to April), he works a LOT.

And I love and appreciate him for that.

So, to show that love and appreciation, I bake for him and his team on a regular basis.

Now I'm told that his team specifically requested my toffee blondies; however, seeing that they've never had them before, I'm a little suspicious that a random group of his co-workers would randomly suggest my boy's favorite dessert...

I guess it doesn't really matter who asked for what. In the end, he they got his their blondies.

They're warm, sweet, gooey, buttery, toffee-y blondies.

Now, before we go any further, the first thing you'll need to know about these (or any blondie or brownie for that matter), is that you can't really make these without the proper tools. I mean, sure an oven comes in handy, a mixer is a good bet, some would even say that a sifter is a no-brainer, and that's all well and good, but my friends, if you really want to make these addictive then you need the right pan.

A Brownie Edge Pan, if you will.

This goes on the list of things I could have and should have thought of. I bet whoever made this is raking in the millions. Next to the internet and yoga pants, this might be the greatest invention ever. Especially when it comes to making toffee blondies that were specifically requested by a group of exhausted accountants.

Once you have the pan that gives every piece a perfectly chewy edge, you may continue on with the recipe.




I got this awhile ago from Martha Stewart's cookie book and I've been making them from my written version, so I'm not sure how much they differ from the original, but here's how I make them.

Dairy-free disclaimer(s): First, the original recipe called for butter, so I used margarine.  Second, I used store-bought Heath Toffee Bits which list milk as an ingredient. This small amount won't affect the lactose-intolerant in my family, but to be truly dairy-free, you'll have to either buy vegan toffee or make your own. Making toffee is really easy though so don't worry.




Ingredients

1 1/4 cups (2 1/2 sticks) margarine softened
2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour

1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder

1 1/2 teaspoons salt

2 cups packed light-brown sugar

1/2 cup granulated sugar

3 large eggs

2 1/2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract

1.25 cup toffee bits

Directions 

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease your new Brownie Edge Pan.
2. Whisk together flour, baking powder, and salt.
3. In the bowl of an electric mixer, combine margarine and both sugars; stir with a wooden spoon until combined. Attach bowl to mixer; add eggs. Beat on medium-high speed until light and fluffy, about 3 minutes. 
4. Add vanilla, and beat to combine. Add flour mixture and toffee bits. Mix until thoroughly combined, and pour into prepared pan.
5. Bake until a cake tester inserted in the center comes out clean, 35 to 40 minutes (do not overbake). Transfer to a wire rack to cool completely before turning out of pan onto a cutting board. I find with the brownie pan, it's easier to cut it right in the pan than trying to get it to all come out in one piece.

6.  Send husband into work to be a Toffee Blondie hero.

One-Chip Chippers

The idea for these came to me almost in a dream. Ok, not really, but pretty close. I was lying in bed, just about to fall asleep when I had the sudden impulse to make teeny-tiny, itty-bitty chocolate chip cookies. I'm pretty sure it was some kind of divine intervention. Ok, fine...maybe it was just the fact that I was hungry and wanted something I could eat by the handful.

The next day I raided my kitchen and discovered that I had everything I needed to make teeny-tiny, itty-bitty chocolate chip cookies...except brown sugar. Luckily, my years of baking expertise and my astounding laziness helped me come up with a quick substitute.

(p.s. If you're not familiar with this image, you need to read This is Why I'll Never Be an Adult by Hyperbole and a Half. Don't worry we'll be here when you get back.)

This recipe is no more than the Tollhouse chocolate chip cookie recipe from the back of the bag. It's still #1 in my book. To make it dairy-free, just use margarine or Earth Balance, or your favorite non-dairy butter-like substance. I'm assuming that the milk fat listed in the chocolate chips means that it has some lactose, but they don't seem to bother anyone here, so I just used regular semi-sweet chocolate chips. I'm sure dairy-free chocolate chips would work as well.

Once you have the dough made, all you do is make smaller portions and reduce the cooking time. I also didn't add the chip until after they came out of the oven. It doesn't make a difference if you want to add them before or after. I pushed the chocolate chip into the tiny dough ball for the first batch, but forgot for the second and just did it after. 

Just keep in mind that this makes a LOT of cookies. I think the original recipe suggests dropping onto a cookie sheet by tablespoon and here we're dropping by teaspoon or so.

BUT it means that you can eat a handful and it's really only about one cookie!

yea! 

Ingredients

2 1/4 cups flour

1 teaspoon baking soda

1 teaspoon salt

1 cup (2 sticks) butter, softened

3/4 cup white sugar

3/4 cup white packed brown sugar

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

2 large eggs

~2 cups chocolate chips

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees F.
2. Mix flour, baking soda and salt in small bowl. Beat butter, granulated sugar, brown sugar and vanilla extract in large mixer bowl until creamy. Add eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition. Gradually beat in flour mixture. 
3. Drop rounds 1/2 to 1 teaspoon in size onto a greased cookie sheet (or silicone baking mat). Place one chocolate chip in the center of each dough ball.
4. Bake for 5 to 6 minutes or until edges start to turn slightly golden. Cool on baking sheets for 2 minutes before removing to wire racks to cool completely. 

Indulge by the handful!

Easier, Better Applesauce

One day I walked into my parent's house and the sweet, cinnamon-y aroma of apple pie surrounded me.

Woohoo! I'm gettin' pie!

OK, so I was disappointed when there was no pie, but I was delighted to realize how easy it is to make the most delicious applesauce on the planet. 

Applesauce has never really been a staple in our house. I mean there is usually a jar of it in the fridge, but it usually ends up being thrown out before we can finish is. I think my issue is the texture. I'd rather have something heartier, something more filling, something I can chew.

If you've never made applesauce before, you're in for a treat. A delightfully easy, ridiculously delicious, (SURPRISE!) healthy treat.

....................................

All you do is chop apples, throw in some cinnamon, add your *looks around suspiciously* secret ingredient, and put it all in a crock pot. 

Start with a butt load of apples. There's probably about 5 pounds here, but I usually make about 3 batches at a time. My crock pot will hold about 1.5 lbs of apples. There really isn't a set amount, just use up the apples you have or the amount you'd like. I bought several bags of small apples from the grocery store - it was the most cost efficient option.

Start by chop, chop, chopping all the apples. There are a couple keys to awesome applesauce (and pie for that matter). First, is to use different kinds of apples. 

~ Green will give a tartness ~

~ Macintosh will bake down and add moisture ~
~ Red delicious won't back down as much and will give a little texture ~
~ Golden will add sweetness ~
~ and Honeycrisp because they are just awesome ~

I chose to leave the skin on for added heartiness and health benefits (fiber, antioxidants, vitamins, Google tells me that "Quercitin" is good for me and that it's in there too), but it's really personal preference. If you don't like the skin, peel the apples. 

You don't need to be precise here either, just chop 'em up and put them in the pot.

Add your *secret ingredients* 
These would be cinnamon and maple extract (available at Target or King Arthur Flour). Didn't measure, but it was about 2 Tablespoons of cinnamon and 2 teaspoons of extract.

Set crock pot on low for 5-6 hrs or high for 2-3 hrs, stir occasionally, and eventually the apples will break down and look like apple pie in a bowl.

At this point, I usually use a potato masher and mash them up a bit. It doesn't take much effort. The apples are very soft. 

The giant bowl of apples in the first photo will probably make about 3 batches. I'll have two crock pots going and another batch on the stove. For making on the stove, everything is the same, just low heat for about an hour, stirring occasionally. 

Let it cool and enjoy! The applesauce also freezes wonderfully. That's why I can make 3 batches at time :). Just put in a freezer bag and defrost when ready to eat.

Ingredients (per batch)

~1.5 lbs of various apples (macintosh, red delicious, golden delicious, green, jazz, etc)

2 T cinnamon

2 t maple extract 

Directions

1. Core and cut up apples (with or without peel - it's up to you)
2. Add all ingredients to crock pot
3. Cook 5-6 hrs on low or 3-4 hrs on high
4. Mash with potato masher
5. Cool and serve, or freeze. Makes about 6 cups.